ive been thinking...
why are ppl behaving the way they behave...
how can ppl go home knowing she will be all alone there...
put urself in her shoes, how will u feel?
and my thoughts shoot back to myself...
why am i here typing this post...
and not there with her...
-wtf-
despite nt feeling well...
ive been there with her on thurs night...
didn't really slp at all...
and if u been through a night...
u will be seriously worried for her if she is alone...
ME
ive always thought that im the kinda person
that is pretty self-centered...
my dear said so too...
but this side of me put her before myself...
and i think i really take things too hard...
for everything, i blame it on myself first...
not the others...
i'll ask myself...
"why cant i ____"
"i can ____ "
"why didnt i ____"
ive talk to my boss in tears abt taking no-pay leave...
but in vain...
he gives me flexible working timing instead...
ive neglected my hon during weekends...
ive given most of my free time for her...
i'll make sure to visit her once a day...
and during the times when im taking a 'break'...
i do feel guilty...
and my mind runs wild...
wishing i could teleplot to her side right away...
i wonder...
does the rest feel this way too?
my heart goes out to her when i imagine how she is feeling now...
and im seriously upset and angry with myself for sitting on my bed and typing this post...
"why am i not there?!"
HE no. 1
a cunning guy?
just that he look decent?
is he even sincere?
does he really care?
or is it all for show?
HE no. 2
i know he cares...
i know it's really taxing on him...
but he is the one she dotes the most...
sometimes i wonder...
is he a willing party or an unwilling one?
HE no. 3
his mindset sux...
everything he said...
doesnt make a single sense to me...
and i refused to talk to him any further...
he cant outtalk me anyway...
craps
SHE no. 1
yes, i know she has been there most of the daytime...
a willing party or an unwilling one?
if she is there but nt by her side, what's the point?
she doesnt even try & do her best...
and i doubt she even understand a single word im telling her...
she really sux... as a caregiver...
but she is the only one that have all the time in the world...
i know it's unfair that she has to lose touch to her social world...
towards her... my comment will always start with...
"how can you ________"
haix... i failed to understand why...
i know the ans... but i just wish to shout out loud...
are we really related?!
i wish we can xchange place and i'll do a better job than u...
SHE no. 2
she have been trying hard to manage her time...
between work, home, her & social life...
sometimes i wish that...
she will try to get no-pay leave...
she wants u more than she wants me...
spend more time with her...
im sure everybody is mentally tired...
im too...
sometimes i wish i can be everyone...
and everyone have the same mindset as me...
doing things using my method...
which i think will benefit her more...
i know this is a big assumption to make...
but does any one else have a better method?
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